Imagine a moment.
Serene happiness, you are a little child. You look around you and you see people that care about you. You see a world with bright eyes and your little heart bursts of joy.
Now imagine that moment suddenly turning into the worst moment of your life. Trauma.
Take that moment. These are one, combine them. Bright starry eyed optimism followed by a replaying loop. Constantly living that trauma on repeat.
This is our mind on trauma.
Trauma is not limited to physical blows to the head. It can go much deeper than that. It can take over your life internally, psychologically. The playing on repeat of events from the past that keep us from moving forward into the present moment.
I was inspired to write this thinking about some of my close friends who suffer from the trauma associated with not conforming. The disastrous effects of abuse, of bullying, of being shamed, and discrimination.
I imagine them being that bright starry eyed child at some point in their life. The person we would love to see, the people we love and care to see, feeling supported by their friends and family. But having to relive the painful experience of a replaying loop.
My hope is that we never give up on each other and on our friends. Especially those whose trauma prevents them from being helped.
This is the story of a couple; Valeria and Tomas. They are out on a walk in the mountains when the topic of Equal Rights comes up. They are walking down a path frequented by the diversity of human life. They see odd looking people dressed in exotic looking clothing.
Just a minute ago they were passed by a jogging mom with a baby strapped to her back. And they wave politely at very put together looking couple walking by. Two beautiful children. The mom is proud to be with her man, her arm cuddled up close to his.
Valeria: Can you imagine? How different the beliefs of the two women we just passed are?
Tomas: What do you mean?
Valeria: Like their beliefs about what is good for women.
Tomas: Oh no, I don’t want to get political right now.
Valeria: Just wait, I mean. Just think. For a second. Do you want to know the one thing they agree on?
Valeria: They agree on taking care of women. It’s very interesting that certain political organizations in the country see Equal Rights as a threat to women. I find it interesting because these people are on the same page as other groups that think that Equal Rights is a good thing for women.
Tomas: Wait, what? Really? Same page??
Valeria: Yes. They both want what’s best for women and family.
Tomas: That’s not true, you are wrong Valeria. They are fierce opponents. Don’t you understand, one side is strictly against things that are completely contrary to their beliefs. Don’t you understand that according to their beliefs things such as abortion or gay marriage or gender or anything other than what their Bible teaches is a shame on their creator? Don’t you understand that they believe it is their duty on earth to make sure that these things do not happen? That what they consider abominations will keep them from reaching heaven?
Valeria: I’m not talking about that Tomas. Just throw all that out the door and think about this: They want what’s best for women. They don’t want the line between male and female to be erased. These women believe that equal rights will make men and women the same. And that men and women will be made to, forced to, be the same.
Tomas: Can’t they see though? The reality?
Valeria: The reality of what?
Tomas: The reality of their fear, of being forced to be–the same, women and men. To be the same would be unsafe to women. To be the same.
Valeria: Yes being the same–a man and a woman. It is contradictory I suppose for obvious reasons, body parts and such. However, we differ. At a fundamental level. I don’t understand what being the same has to do with everything.
Tomas: Neither do I. I think what I meant to say is that I’m a man. And I know that there are different types of men out there. And hey you know, I can have my moments of aggression, but don’t group me into a broad category with men. Don’t group all women into the category of woman. No matter the law or belief, fundamentally, we are all part of a whole.
Valeria: But we are not according to those who oppose equal rights. To some extent they are right, in physics entropy increases, its one of the thermodynamic laws. A system will not tolerate order, it will always change until it reaches a state of maximum disorder.
Tomas: Ok Valeria can you explain that in human terms?
Valeria: To oppose equal rights is to oppose our very nature as organisms of this universe. We cannot be suppressed, we cannot be kept under constant pressure in a closed container. Yes, I can see how making women and men the same closes the container. But they must all also see that confining men and women to separate spaces or imposing their rules on all women also creates a closed container. Constant pressure plus closed container equals, kaboom.
Tomas: And so this will continue. One side pressing against the other. The common ground is in the explosion.
The physics explanation here might be off. An explosion will only occur when the pressure in a container is increased beyond the capacity of the container and the container would explode. How do equal rights and entropy relate? I'll have to think on that and come back with an update to this thought later.
This is a work in progress Journal. Collaborative, please comment, if you feel compelled to.
To me this statement means a lot. I've have put a lot of thought into what it means to be a woman, for me, to be a woman. I am not an intruder into another world. I seek no ulterior motive other than simply to be the fullest version of myself. The truest representation of that which I feel myself to be. Being a woman is more than beauty in the external. It is more than a beautiful reflection bringing pleasure to your physical senses. In the body. Inside the body, inside your body, you know that you are a woman. The rituals, the ups and downs, the crazy emotions, the distress of cycles disrupting your body. These and many things define you as a creative person of light. You are a creator, this is what it means to identify as a woman to me. What does It Mean To Identify as A Man?
I’ve been telling people about the Enneagram quiz and have been promising people to pass the link along, so here it is.
Why take the test? The test is cool because it gives you an opportunity to look at yourself from the perspective of a psychologist. Like a mind that follows a pattern of behaviors.
I think that having this perspective of yourself is important so that you can understand why you tend to think the way that you do. Why should you care? Well, I don’t know, but I care because it gives me a good reference point about when to know if I’m centered or not centered.
So onto my type, I fall into the four category–the tragic romantic. Yes, yes, I know, tragic. And there is a super good description of the types available on this website:
Scroll down on your type and read the section:
Type Four—Levels of Development
This section is broken up into 9 levels that describe how off-center you are from a healthy balance.
Today I’m grateful because I know that I am good person. I know that I exist in this world. I know that I cannot be corrupted and that I am not willing to go against my values. And because that is a fact, I can with great confidence believe that someday I can be in a position of great power and decision making.
So today, I’m grateful that I know that I am not the only one. Believing so would be extremely ignorant. It is simply a matter of statistics. I look for the good people, to them I shine my sights on to guide me in turbulent times.
What I’ve learned from working with difficult people in call center work so far the past few weeks:
- Some people don’t realize that their survey responses are directly about me and not the service.
- Some people do not realize that they have a difficult time asking for help. And so they don’t really ask for help, they just kind of get angry that they couldn’t figure it out right away.
- Some, in their confusion, use tactics that make it harder for them to be helped. This plays out in these ways (my interpretation of whats going on in their head)
- Anger, inadequacy projected onto me-the helper. “Do you know what you’re doing? Let me talk to your supervisor” (supervisor is never available)
- Deceived, mistrustful, not really wanting to be helped. “Do you know what you’re doing? You should have the answer right away! Verify my information!? Why!”
- Inflated view of self. Service people are inferior. Cannot be helped because being helped would change the story that service people are inferior.
- I want to figure it out myself but I’m just calling so I can sound like I know what I am doing while I just listen to you ask me questions but I keep changing things without you telling me to but I think I know what I’m doing but I called to get your help so thanks for your help but I don’t think you’re helping me really, click, click, click.
- Difficult people, they exist, they don’t go away. Kindness works 99% of the time. The other 1%, well, they just have some bad trauma that makes it necessary to make other’s feel like crap and get angry in order to help themselves feel better. And for this 1%, kindness still works, its just that they don’t really get to help themselves feel better.
90% of people have generally been very patient and courteous; and 50% of the 90% don’t fill surveys. The 10% is what makes or breaks, as 100% of the 10% of difficult people, will respond to surveys.